Topping myself off

Real conversation between me and Fake Big Brother:

Me: I finished watching the first season of True Blood last night btw. Hence me being up until 2 am last night.

FBB: Ooooh that makes sense.

Me: Yeah.

FBB: It is good.

Me: it was like midnight and I was sleepy but I had One. Disk. Left.

FBB: Hmm.

Me: and I was like I AM SO CLOSE!

FBB: That's what she said.

Me: Oh thank god you said it. I did not want to have to "that's what she said" myself.

FBB: lol

Me: I remember saying that during sex before, when I used to be more vocal.

FBB: haha

Me: I'm pretty sure it was the same time I punched a guy during sex.

FBB: lolwut?

Me: No no no. That was when I said BUT I WAS SO CLOSE.

FBB: hahaha

Me: true story. Sad but true.
Long pause
So anyway, now that we've talked about being vocal during sex, I feel like we can't possibly top the conversation. Maybe it should just end now.

FBB: hmm.
Long pause
Yeah I can't really think of a topper.

Me: Well, I don't want to top myself.
Pause
Question mark face?

FBB: you are at work; that would be inappropriate!

Me: LOL like "top myself off" ... Is that even a euphemism for masturbation or am I just making shit up now?

FBB: Signs off

Me: Probably went to top himself off.

Update: turns out that "topping yourself off" is a euphemism for suicide. Which is also inappropriate at work.