Tuesday, July 12, 2011

In which someone is uninvited to their intervention

Apparently I don't know what an intervention is ...

Me: You're so responsible it's scary. I clean when I'm sick; apparently you go to work. I don't even know who you ARE anymore.

Patient Boy: Yeah, I need help.

Me: It's all right. Your interventions are already scheduled. I got this.

PB: Oh God. I hope you are kidding.

Me: smiles angelically

PB: Oh no... you really ARENT kidding.

Me: Who would kid about interventions for working? They are serious business.

PB: Oh crap. Now I'm worried. Well, when is it?

Me: Um, hello, it's a surprise intervention. There's going to be cake and everything. Just like all the best interventions. That's how it's done, right?

PB: Umm. I've never been to one but I feel as though you are thinking of a party of some kind.

Me: Isn't that what an intervention is? You're in charge of bringing the beer, by the way... which I admit is problematic given that it is a surprise intervention. To be safe just keep a few cases in your car.

PB: Wait; isn't this my surprise intervention?? Why am I bringing stuff??

Me: This is my first intervention and I really want it to go well. Why can't you help me out a little??

PB: Well, I guess if fish sticks and custard are there I will.

Me: All right awesome. Make sure you buy at least one case of PBR because I invited the roller derby team to your intervention.

PB: Wait what? Are you sure this is an intervention?

Me: Yeah totally! Also I'm trying to schedule it for a Tuesday or Saturday so you can come but you might need to take some time off because most people can only come on Thursday.

PB: You also want me to take time off for my intervention? What the hell??

Me: Why can't you just be supportive?? This is all for you!

PB: Yeahh ... sorry but maybe you are just being too demanding.

Me: This so much pressure.

PB: silence

Me: Fine, you know what? You aren't even invited to your intervention anymore! No fish custard and beer for you!!

PB: Wow, um, its getting hard to tell the jokes from the mad ... please don't kill me?

Me: Come over. We'll sort the rest out later. I promise tonight isn't the intervention that you aren't invited to. But I'm out of custard.

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