Textation with Patient Boy yesterday, aka National Kissing Day
PB: Morning. (this is at 1:30pm, btw)
Me: Good morning. How's my favorite Patient Boy today?
PB: Hungover and broke. How's you?
Me: Alright. Oh, watch out for random girls trying to kiss you today. Facebook just told me it's National Kissing Day.
PB: ... So you are saying I shoulda gone to the bar tonight.
Me: And now is when I make the angry face.
PB: Hah, ok so no bar tonight got it.
Me: Or just bring pepper spray! :)
PB: I don't even know where to get that.
Me: A big stick? I mean, you just need some sort of deterrent. Maybe a bodyguard / chaperone. It's especially important for you because random guys like to kiss you too.
PB: Hmm you make a good point. What if the bodyguard wants to kiss?
Me: Alright this is getting complicated. Maybe I should be your bodyguard. You'll have to wait till roller derby is over, and leave the bar by midnight. (this is totally reasonable since roller derby ends at 11 and I'll have to change before going to a bar)
PB: But you might kiss me too.
Me: Yeah but I'm allowed! I'm not random anymore dammit.
Me: You know what, fine. I can practice restraint. No kisses for you. All in the name of you having a clean fun time at the bar. (cause that's what everyone wants at a bar)
PB: Oh. That kinda hurts.
Me: Just trying to compromise. I don't want you kissing random people, and you evidently count me as random. It's a sacrifice, but I care about your feelings.
PB: I want Pat's. (cheesesteaks in Philly, so delicious)
Me: Too bad you're broke I guess?
PB: Ouch! Thats hurts a bit!
Me: Hey I'm not the one that spent all my money on booze. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be the sugar mama. I suppose I'll give you the money for cheese steaks. And my car to drive down.
PB: Awesome! Are you paying for the tab I rack up tonight too?
Me: I thought we agreed that you aren't going to the bar tonight?? (pause) Wait, we decided that you just weren't going to kiss anyone. That sucks. What do I get out of being a sugar mama then?
PB: Well, we decided that no one would kiss me. As for what you get ... the honor of driving me home?
Me: Well that blows. Being a sugar mama sucks. I can't wait until this stupid kissing holiday is over.
PB: Hey, you were the one all like "don't kiss anyone today".
Me: RANDOM. Anyone RANDOM. That was the key word there. Girlfriend is not random! Geez.
PB: Ohh ok. In that case, you can kiss me, I suppose.
Me: Wow, the enthusiasm is overwhelming.
PB: Hey, I don't kiss just anyone!
Me: I sure hope not!!
PB: Hahaha, you are my favorite Avril.
Me: ... I want to take that in a good way but the paranoid part of me thinks I'm the favorite one you kiss. Which means there are others. Not cool!
PB: Hey! I'm not a whore!
Me: Well, I wasn't accusing you of accepting money for it!